My Big Adventure!

Friends and Family-

This is a non-newsletter newsletter. It seems that there is so much going on here to share that I have to share it!

Work

Stephen– Some of you might have seen Stephen’s first day of school picture on Facebook! Starting in February, he took on the role of Bible Teacher at Trinity Christian School in Managua. He is loving the opportunity and interaction with the students. This has changed some of his work here at ITeams, but it seems to be a good balance for him.

Natalie– I recently accepted the role of Team Coordinator. This is a lot like my role at West Hills Christian School, since I have responsibility of care and oversight for the American staff here in Masatepe. We have six team members currently AND this weekend we add six more! We are charting new territory, but it is enjoyable to be a part of the team!

Truck

Our truck has been put to good use since we purchased it; we used it for four short-term teams, multiple airport runs, and more trips to the farm than we can count. Stephen now uses it twice a week for school in Managua. We did have to put some more money into it this past month, but it seems to be running fine now.

Visitors

Teams– In January and February our Masatepe team hosted five teams. It was a very busy time, but also a blessing to be a part of. We were able to connect with some “old” friends, and make some new friends in the process.

Family– My parents came down to Nicaragua for the first time in the middle of February. It was great to get to show them our lives here as well as take some time at the beach. The time was refreshing and a much needed rest between the short-term teams and the arriving long-term workers this season.

Today Stephen’s parents arrive in Nicaragua. A trip in March has been a yearly thing for them. Rod goes on a GHO medical trip, and Loie will be staying with us. Then they both will be with us for an additional week. We always look forward to the time with them!

Finally, my niece Sarah will be joining us in the end of March. This is her first trip here, and I am very excited to be able to share our lives with her!

Life has been full but good!

Take care- Love, Natalie

 

On Saturday, we came home from the pastor’s conference and I realized that our neighbors, who had a white house, were in the process of painting it pinkish-purple. I think the color in the Crayola set is somewhere between Cerise and Wild Strawberry. My first thought was, “Wow! That is bold! Not really sure that I want to be looking out at that color every day.

Sunday, the painting and finishing work continued, many people were inside working on things, and a pig squealed much of the afternoon- the kind of squeal that means impending dome that is not quite completed.

Monday morning during my Spanish class, there was the loudest percussion of explosion that I have heard since I have been here; this is really saying something since we hear this most days of the year. It was the kind that struck me deaf in one ear momentarily, and caused my heart to race. This was followed by two more explosions, and then our neighbor went back in the house.

This morning the band started at 6:30, people have been visiting; fireworks continue to go off outside our door, with sulfur smoke filling out rooms. One of our cats ran to the cupboard to her favorite hiding place and the other is outside, probably fearful that he will not survive this ordeal.

A wooden box with the image of a saint was carried in with much adoration followed by a parade of people and upbeat band music. The music has gotten louder and more people have come to view the saint in the past few hours. A meal is being served, people are sitting around and admiring the shrine that was constructed in the front room in honor of this saint, and the band members are now seated, striking up a song every few minutes.

Throughout the last few days I have had two different conversations; one with a Catholic and the other with an evangelical. Both of these conversations have been in Spanish, so I am sure that I am not understanding everything, but here is what I do know:

People here in the Catholic church have the opportunity to pay to “receive” a saint in their house. This comes with great honor and blessing to their home. The typical practice is to paint your house the color of the clothes of the saint. Like the majority of Catholic celebrations, the expectation is for the family to provide food, fireworks, and music. The fireworks come from an old Spanish tradition that is an announcement of something happening at your home.

Both the Catholic and evangelical that I spoke with are saddened by this type of worship. Although it is very much a part of their culture they see the exploitation and the false hope that this gives. As well as great cost to families that do not have much money.

As I am writing this, I am in a surreal setting. Stephen has his headphones on and is trying to prepare for his classes tomorrow, and I am typing this blog with what sounds like sitting in the middle of high school band practice. Everything else in the house is neat and organized and ready for my parent’s arrival later this afternoon, but the noise and the musical chaos seems to throw off the whole scene. I wish they (and you) were here to experience this because there is really nothing in which to compare!

 

It has been a long time since I have published a blog. It is not for lack of material, or even for lack of writing- I have written several blog beginning in the last month.

I think that my reason stems from busyness although it is not busyness in and of itself. Blog updates for me usually come through a process of seeing, thinking, reflecting, and then writing.

The component that has been missing for me is reflection. I have good reasons for a lack of reflection: five short-term teams in two months, as well as Christmas, but the reality is that I still miss the time to ponder.

Here is the thing. In the past 6 months God has given me back some of what “feeds me”. I have been put back in a place of planning, administration, working with people, and trying to create an environment for God to speak. This is the stuff that has been missing in my life for several years, and quite frankly I am glad to have this back.

But in the last few years of missing “my calling”, God has shown me another side of me- it is a side of walking and struggling with Him which has produced a deeper place in my soul that could only come about through losing my “success”. I would not have intentionally chosen this path for me, but it fits well in the phrase, “It has not been easy, but it has been good”.

So here I am, back in my area of success, but also trying to stay connected with this other part of me. I am not sure how it all fit together, but it is a part that is at least equally important if not more important than the success side.

The GPS term “recalculating” is what comes to find. Of course this is usually said in a mechanical voice that has no emotion of the ups and downs that it takes to do the recalculating, but this is where I find myself- finding a balance between work that is fulfilling but can squeeze out reflection and times to understand Jesus more, and having a role and a place that can swallow God time way too easily.

So, what is God doing about this?

• He is challenging me in my “successes”
• He is taking me through a Bible study on the Loving Life- what does it mean to truly love people?
• He is allowing me to walk alongside my team members in some mutually vulnerable areas
• AND He brings people along like Maria Christina, who gives me a different perspective on life.

Maria Christina is a 67 year old woman who stops by our house on the way into town every week or so. She looks much older than her years, with gnarled toes and dirty clothes. At first she was mostly needy; she would not ask, but the needs were obvious-food, medicine and a little money. Usually I prayed with her or for her after she left. In the past couple of weeks through when she has come by, she has the joy of the Lord. I do not know what has changed in her, but I have been blessed by it.

I missed her for a few weeks because of my schedule, but this week when she stopped by she could not stop talking about how gracious God has been to her. She offered me two tomatoes, told me she was glad to see me, and she was on her way.

God has “recalculated” her, and He has used her to recalculate me. I need these moments in my life to reflect on God’s work in this world and in my life, and keep me balanced in what He has before me.

I like the words that are used in Spanish for Thanksgiving Day- Dia de Accion de Gracias; directly translated, it is “the day of the action of thanks”! Somehow when you say it that it way, it compels me to see it as a day of actively giving thanks.

It feels like instead of the day being about food, football, family, rest, shopping, etc, that it would be more appropriate for me to go about talking to God and others about how thankful I am. Or maybe even better, it would be to be walking around showing people that I am thankful for them.

The word “action” is not passive- they actually use the words in opposition; verbs are either active or passive, people can be either active or passive in communication, or even a pacifist is active in what he believes.

So here it goes- the beginning of my Action of Thanks:

• An Air plant wreath that was generously purchased for me by co-workers because they just knew I would like it!
• Having a meeting with all Spanish speakers, in Spanish, and being able to understand most of it!
• A husband who is alive after a heart scare a few weeks ago!
• Enough money to feed and shelter us!
• Two cats that cozy up in the crooks of my body when I sleep- this is nice until I want to move!
• Being part of a community that values verbal blessings for birthday celebrations!
• Studying and being challenged with “hesed” love (look it up!) with a community of fellow believers!
• A precious baby to hold and toddler to play with!
• Freedom to come and go in our borrowed Nica car, and most of the money in the bank to purchase the right one when it comes along!
• A husband who loves to share God’s words!
• So many people who support us financially- this alone is amazing and humbling!
• Hundreds of people who supported us in pray during Stephen’s hospital stay- me receiving just the right words, thoughts, and people when I needed it!
• Three birthday celebrations and two thanksgiving celebrations!
• Amazing sunsets, an active volcano close by, and fields of sugar cane!
• Neighbor girls who try out there English when I walk by!
• Knowing that this Thanksgiving I am more thankful than in the past few years- I see God’s work in my life!
• And so much more…

What is your “action of thanks today”?

November 6, 2016

The saga lasted for only 60 hours, but it was a 60 hours that felt like a week, and will take even longer for recovery.

I am writing this down partly as a record for me, some as an opportunity to give a HUGE thank you to so many people who have called, texted, provided meals, helped in translation, provided housing, and been an ear to talk to, and finally as a testament to God’s faithfulness!

At 6 AM Saturday morning, Stephen came in to the bedroom and said, “I don’t want to freak you out, but my chest and arms are really hurting, and I think I might be having a heart attack.” Of course the first part of the phrase did happen. I called Brandon our co-worker, and told him that I did not know what to do, then gave Stephen some aspirin, and somehow the three of us were heading for Managua about 10 minutes later.

Forty-five minutes later, we arrived at the hospital that is most popular with Americans and considering the urgency of the situation we stopped and checked into Emergency. After 2 EKGS, ultrasound, X-ray and blood test, they said that things looked okay but that they would know more in six hours when the blood tests came back. Around noon Brandon and I headed back to Masatepe, and Stephen was checked into the ICU. The visiting hours were minimal and it seemed to make sense for me to get the car and plan to come back later.

While I was home I felt the urge to pack up some stuff and take advantage of our friends offer to stay at their house which is about 10 minutes from the hospital. As I was packing, I got an urgent call from Stephen saying that things did not look so good and that the doctor wanted to do a stent immediately. We have been around enough to know that this particular hospital likes to act quickly and sometime rashly, so our antennas went up. I told him that I was on my way to the hospital and we agreed that we would talk about it with the doctor when I got there.

I had a Skype conversation planned with a friend at 4 PM. We had had to postpone the call three times, so before Stephen had called I had planned to talk with her and then head out the door to the hospital. Right after I talked with Stephen she rang through.

Here is part of God’s hand in this. Several years earlier she went through this same procedure. Of course our conversation was cut short that day, but she was able to speak to me clearly about what I needed to hear from the doctor to confirm the diagnosis. This helped me tremendously an hour later when the doctor spoke urgently about Stephen’s need for this surgery- so wonderful when He thinks of the details!

It was clear that he needed a stent, but the decision was how and where. Option 1) Stay in this hospital and it would cost about $20,000. 2) Medi-vac to the US where we do not have insurance 3) Get to the Military hospital where we have public insurance. The gamble was that we would first have to go to a very basic hospital and hope they would move him onto the Military Hospital.

At this point I sent out a message to pray! We knew that our only real option was number 3, but God would have to work out the details. I found myself between worry and calm for the next 5 hours, as we waited, I read, Stephen slept, people called with love and encouragement, I settled the $2,100 bill for the day, and the doctor at the hospital worked to find a way for us to get to the Military hospital- he was very helpful in setting us up to leave the hospital!

At about 11:45 PM, we left in an ambulance for the Cruz Azul. The nurse that accompanied us spent the time telling me that we were leaving one of the best hospitals for one that was quite a ways down the list. I felt some wavering-hoping that I was not making the wrong decision, but I knew that I had asked God to make the way clear, and that I had to trust Him.

Earlier in the evening a friend from Granada had been one of the people who had offered to help out, and I felt a real peace in asking her and a mutual friend to walk through this next step with us. Jennifer and Jesse came up from Granada and followed the ambulance to the Cruz Azul. It was good to see some familiar faces especially when I saw the hospital; it looked more like a clinic in a developing country, which I guess it is. The staff there was very efficient, help, and they confirmed the previous diagnosis. Then they said the right words, “We do not have the capacity to do this procedure, so we will send you to the Military Hospital.”

In less than 45 minutes we were in another ambulance heading 10 minutes away, and hoping for the best. We arrived a little after 1 AM. Jesse helped me with the paperwork, and Jenn went with Stephen. After reviewing the ultrasounds, EKGS, and X-rays from the two previous hospitals, they agreed with the need for surgery. There was another flurry of paperwork and then we were all whisked back to an operating room somewhere in the depths of this huge building that looks more like a bunker than a hospital (at least at night!)

It is strange thing to look down a dark hallway, to see four men and two women working on Stephen, and hearing Jesse’s voice as he translates the doctor over a loud speaker. It was painful to see the rawness of it all; blood, instruments, not strong enough pain meds, and then be asked to be the soothing voice over the microphone so that Stephen would stay still during the procedure. Stephen was a real trooper in this

He was taken to a recuperation room, and Jennifer, Jesse and I headed out. I got to the Butlers around 4 AM. I was so thankful for a comfortable bed and a friendly face; these are the same people who came to hang out at the hospital the night before and brought me dinner!

I was back to the hospital at 9AM, searching for the room in this monstrosity of a building. It took me about 20 minutes, and a very much needed pray for direction. I had asked people to pray that we would be able to stay at this hospital rather than be transferred back to Cruz Azul for recovery. I guess my prayers were answered but not quite like I had hoped. Stephen vitals remained very high; he were not going anywhere any time soon.

I was asked to leave, apparently they through I was causing him stress J, so I hung out in the cafeteria. Jennifer and her husband came, brought me lunch, hang out with me, and were able to help us with some translation. During that time, I knew that our Barnabas Team in Portland was praying, and when I returned to see Stephen, his vitals were really good!

At one point they were ready to transport us to the other hospital but they realized that the catheter had not been taken out. Around 7 PM we tried the whole thing again- make sure the catheter is out,

 

out the door, in the ambulance, and to the Crus Azul. (This is a public/private hospital system owner by the Ortega Family, but I am pretty sure he does not go there.)

After three hours of waiting Stephen was checked into an” intermedio” room which I could not enter because it was for men- the plus was air conditioning, the negative was very cramped quarters and old and dirty. As I walked away I remember saying out loud that if I was not so exhausted and could speak Spanish better, I would not let Stephen stay there. That night, I headed back to the Butlers.

This was the night that we had been warned about for the last year- Election Night- “As a foreigner, stay out of Managua on November 6, 2016- potential riots and violence.” The country is run as a Socialistic Dictatorship Democracy, with the last word coming as a distant third. I am happy to say, that aside from driving through part of a street party, there were no other issues that night for me. I was glad to get to the Butlers early (12 AM) that night, and get close to seven hours of sleep.

I knew I had to gear up for this day- I was feeling weary, teary, and that I had some big responsibilities. I prayed for clarity and direction, and was so thankful to be able to write out notes of what I needed to get in order to make this the best day possible: get someone to translate, get food for Stephen, research diet, meds, do’s and don’ts for people with Stents, get gas in the car, etc.

I arrived at the hospital late morning, and soon after Terry Butler came and used his status as a pastor to get in to see and pray with Stephen for a few minutes; he was also able to pass off some much needed food. Then soon after he left, Jordy (we work with him in Masatepe) arrived. Both of these guys reminded me that I was not alone in this- what a relieve!

The rest of the day was a lot of waiting- waiting for a doctor, waiting for Stephen to be moved to a room where we could sit with him, and waiting for information. Jordy was extremely helpful with connections, being diplomatic and having someone to talk do during the waiting.

At 7 that night, Stephen was able to see the doctor. He received some strong warnings about health, then after we signed the needed papers he was free!

We are SOOOOOOO thankful to all of the people who came around us. I feel like I can’t even express it completely- prayers, calls, having a place to stay, food, visitors, and how God worked through prayers to be there for us when we needed it most- clarity in decision making, the right people to talk to, etc.

So… the update as of six days past surgery is : weak, tired, making needed dietary changes and exercise, and thanking God for more days to work and live for Him. He does not have damage to his heart, but has received and is heeding the warning. I am blessed to have him!

A Day in a Life –Part II

This time of the year it is very wet here in Nicaragua. October is the rainiest of the rainy season, which comes with a damp feel to sheets, clothes, and everything else. What is dust for half of year now becomes mud.

So, last Saturday around 4 P.M. our favorite tortilla deliverer stopped by with her last 15 tortillas. Stephen had bought a lot the day before as we did not plan on getting more, but we invited her inside for a drink of water. She was still hoping to make the sell so she lingered some and in that time the clouds let loose with a complete down poor.

The forecast showed a downpour for the rest of the afternoon and we were reluctant to send this little girl out in the pouring rain. So somewhere between wanting to get her out of the house and a long time desire to connect with her family, we offered her a ride to her house. The problem was that she still had 15 more tortillas, and it was very clear that she was not going to get in the car until the tortillas had a home! Her bargaining skills kicked in as well as our sympathies, and now we have a lot more tortillas.

The rain had let up slightly so we headed out to the car, and while standing with the doors open, she told us that her sister was here and asked if we could give her a ride, too. Of course, we would feel better about taking two than just one (we still have our American teaching of propriety with children), so Estella ran half way down the block to a young teenager standing against the wall. As she told her sister about the ride, her sister hid behind a car, and was nervously laughing, and shaking her head. It took a minute or two of convincing before she reluctantly came over to the car and got in. All the commotion brought the neighbors out to watch as the gringoes herded the two girls into the car- this was just the beginning of our adventure!

We drove to the end of town and then out past the huge chicken farm. The next left was onto a road of puddles and garbage. The car we have right now is a 1994 Toyota Corrolla, which we are borrowing. We hit a muddy part, but we kept on going, we hit a really muddy part, but we kept on going, then we hit a really, really muddy part, and I was saying out loud, “God, help us, God help us, God help us!” The girls giggled nervously from the backseat.

I finally saw something I recognized- the dump. I knew that there was a better way out of here than the road we had come. The girls said turn right, taking us about two miles past the furthest I had been out of town before. It was only a few miles, but it was another big step in material poverty.

The next right was down a lane that had seen more bikes, horses and people than cars. The girls directed us to an area with a people of all ages were milling around, a few very rough shacks, horses, cows, and chickens. As we pulled up into the muddy lot, everyone stopped what they were doing and starred and then starred some more when we got out of the car. A young boy ran by yelling, “Gringoes, Gringoes, Gringoes, loco, loco”.

Estella and her sister, ran away and we found ourselves standing in the midst of the people feeling very strange. I shared with them how much we have appreciated the tortillas and that we met Estella in that way. Then I told them of a big rain storm in Masatepe, and how we felt that we should bring her home. What we did not tell them was that we had been praying and hoping for an opportunity to meet the family to see how God might use us in their lives. We chatted a bit, which broke the ice and created smiles on the faces of the kids and adults. We said our good-byes with a hope to see them later.

As we headed back into town, I was struck with what I see every day in Masatepe as poverty, looked very nice in comparison to what we just saw a few miles out of town. A feeling of indignation comes up in me at these times, and it usually is accompanied with a feeling of helplessness, and some fear. Indignant that people should not have to live this way, helpless because we do not have the resources to help as we would like, and fear not responding well.

We have been here long enough to know that to just give materially often creates dependency and shame, but to give like Jesus gave, requires a personal investment that can be confusing and heart-breaking at times.

The other side though is that God has given us contact with this girl and her family, and I have to trust that He will provide the means and the heart to respond to them as He would ask. The adventure continues!

 

 

A Day in A Life- Part I

I remember in the 1990s there was a series of books that came out- A Day in a Life. I always enjoyed those books because it gave me a glimpse into the life of other cultures and experiences. These past few days I feel like I have been living some of those “A Day in a Life” experiences. They are ordinary but at the same time there is a bit of awe to be a part of these events.

Let me tell you about yesterday.

To set the scene, for about the past month, we have had a little girl come visit our house most afternoons around 3 p.m. She is 8 years old but is about the size of a small five year old. She walks from a community about 20 minutes away. She comes selling tortillas that her mom makes which are still warm when they arrive at our door. She always comes with clothes that are dirty and are either adult size or torn. Her hair is always unkept and usually matted. This is one side of this young girl.

The other side is that her name is Estella. She has six siblings and she goes to school every morning. She likes math, and she had a lot of homework most days. When we first met her, she was very timid and did not smile much, but now when we see her she smiles and laughs and will occasionally come back to our house after she had made her rounds around town with the hopes that we will buy her last tortillas before she heads home. She is always meticulous about wrapping and unwrapping the tortillas, and she had even taught Stephen how to do it.

Stephen spoils her with candy occasionally and sometimes gives her a little extra for the stack of tortillas.

So yesterday when Stephen was working out in the garage he had her come through the house. She came around the corner where I was working on my computer with a big smile, kind of amazed with what was around her. We talked some, Stephen bought 10 tortillas (he has had more tortillas in the last several weeks than in his whole life I think), and she started to head out the door, when a man who has been drinking came to door asking for food.

Generally we give food to whomever asks but not money, so Stephen prepped a tortilla with cheese and I handed it off to the man. He talked to me some and then was on his way. Meanwhile, Estella slipped out the door to sell the rest of her tortillas.

A few minutes later after I had settled back on the couch to work on my Spanish homework, the neighbor guy came over to ask for help with his English homework. He had written a paragraph in English about a superhero, and he had made the opposite mistakes that I make in Spanish. We laughed about our mistakes!

What strikes me in these interchanges is ME (I am sure there is some narcissism there). These episodes have become very normal to me, yet my marveling yesterday was that it is such an honor to be able to serve and interact with these people. These faces have names now.

Honestly, there have been times in this journey where help has been more from obligation and less from a joy to serve. I am sure that there will be times in the future where it feels like an obligation, but for now I will be happy with the glimpse of my changed heart!

In the beginning of May we settled on a church here in Masatepe. It is a funny thing but even in the midst of not understanding everything that is happening, I still feel at home there. It is like being comfortably uncomfortable.

We have visited several churches, and I must say that part of the decision was the volume of the worship service. Now before you think that “I’m too old”, let me just say that when I am sitting in the back of the church and my inner ear is vibrating, I think that is too loud.

We like what we see at Iglesia Cristo- El Shaddai! The pastor is training young people to preach in the church, the messages are Bible- based, the volume is manageable, the pastor comes along side in worship, and the church-goers are genuine. These people know what it is to not have things easy, but to walk faithfully with God!

Here are the lighter reasons why we have chosen to be a part of Iglesia Cristo:

• In the 85-90 heat, the ceiling fans are a wonderful addition and a man named David has honed in to our need for them.
• A 9 AM starting time really means that around 9:20 people will start coming in and church will likely get started by 9:30- we are adjusting! This is repeated at the 5 pm service.
• When the pastor introduced his wife to me, he followed it up with, “Isn’t she beautiful?” I love the Latino honesty!
• The pastor’s wife calls me “princess”.
• It takes 6 large speakers for the 30 of us to hear the service J
• The precious children come out at the end of the service and share the verse or music they learned in Sunday school- this is hilarious and precious!
• And finally, when they see us coming they double up the plastic chairs. While in some ways this is a little embarrassing, it would be more embarrassing to sit down and go crashing to the ground!

This week we celebrated our first communion time with them. Since we did not really know the customs of the church we were a little wary. We saw people go up to the front to take the elements, so we followed course. As we were in line I noticed that most people stayed up at the front and seemed to be forming a circle in the front of the church. I figured it was best to follow their lead.

Stephen, who is used to getting up front and preaching, was very uncomfortable in this situation. He was fearful that we might be making some kind of commitment that we were not aware we were making (this can happen when you understand about 50% of what is said), so he was kind of facing me with his body, with an intent, “let’s go sit down now?!” look. Of course that made we laugh. With tears in my eyes and trying to recover in this serious moment, we realized that we were all just taking communion together.

This past week we showed up for church and no one was there. Obviously not everything is coming through loud and clear, and it seems that every instance is still a learning experience!

One of my favorite things to watch is House Hunters (International). I blame it on my mom! But also it is one of the few shows that I can stream on my computer with little interruption, and it does not come up as “not able to view in your location”.

The other day while I was preparing dinner, I was watching an episode with a couple who were trying to find a vacation home in Florida, and they had only 2.5 million to spend; needless to say, the houses were extravagant! It had to be on the water, had to have room to sleep 11, and had to have plenty of area for entertaining.

While I was watching this, the lady who cleans our house arrived. It is kind of embarrassing for me to admit that I have someone to clean my house, since it feels like a luxury and especially on a missionary income.

Paula (pronounced Pow-la) is her name, and we have really enjoyed getting to know her and her family. When she came in the house I told her about House Hunters, and we both gawked at the enormous house and property in which the couple was finding both joys and faults.

At one point, I said that my whole house would fit in their living room. We laughed and then I turned off the computer.

I had not talked with Paula since we had returned from the US, but I knew that she had been part of a mission trip up to the NE of Nicaragua, so I asked her about the mission trip. Let me just say that I love that we are part of a Nicaraguan community where the Nicaraguans want to reach out to other Nicaraguans.

This trip involved taking long canoes 2 days (12 hour days) down river to meet with and encourage fellow believers in very remote places. In my studies of culture, I am more and more aware how people-oriented cultures have a much higher value on receiving encouragement than our task-oriented culture.

Paula came away from this experienced happy to have been able to be part of an encouragement team, and struck by the hard living and severe poverty of the people of the Rio Coco.

Most of you are probably ahead of me, but as she was talking I became aware of the huge contrasts that has been presented in our short conversation.

I have not been inside of Paula’s house, but from the outside it looks like you could fit most of it in my living room, but here was a woman, who I would say lives in poverty, who is struck by those who really live in poverty.

There are all kinds of lessons I could take away from this, from big picture of world poverty to my own person response. My take away from my conversation with Paula was two-fold; thankfulness for what I have and a need to be generous with what I have.

Both Stephen and I have lists that would make our lives more comfortable; replace the coffee pot that broke this week, buy a microwave so we could heat up our food quicker, get an air conditioner so we can cool down our 80+ degree bedroom…. But we are also reminded of the generosity of others in our lives; people who support us every month, those who have sacrificed so that we can buy a vehicle soon, and friends who take the time to encourage us through email and skype.

We live in a world surrounded by poverty, and it can be easy to get jaded. But when I have been more thankful about what I have received, my own generosity seems to grow. That is when I interact more; giving value to my neighbors or give a few more cordobas for a tortilla to seven-year old Estella when she comes by.

Thank you for the message, Paula. I got it loud and clear!

We arrived back in Nicaragua on August 10th, and for the first week we vacationed here. That in and of itself was an adventure at times, but it was a good adventure!

We spent 3 days at a retreat center owned by some friends, just outside of Managua. This was such a generous gift to us, as they also loaned us a car to use during this time; it was wonderful to have time in the hammock, watch some Olympics, and enjoy the solitude.

Our next stop was a place just south of San Juan del Sur, so we thought! What was described as 7 kilometers down the road was really 22 kilometers up mountains and into valleys. We arrived in the dark after being lost for about 5 hours, but when we woke up the next morning, we found ourselves with an amazing view point overlooking the Pacific Ocean, with Costa Rica on one side, and the tranquil beach of Playa del Coco on the other- truly amazing!

Our final stop was La Boquita. My mom has prayed for me to find “parents” wherever I go, and we have found that in our friends, Terry and Carol. The four of us spent 2 days in an apartment overlooking a different part of the Pacific. The beach had rock formations that allowed for soaking pools to form with the tide. We could have stayed there all day, and have the sunburns to prove it!

On our return to Masatepe, we were reminded of the benefit of working with a team; we came back to hugs, “We missed you”, “How was your trip?”, and a feeling of being home!

This week we have picked up our work- way more than either of us can get too right now, but I am feeling hopeful and sustained.

Hopeful for a good beginning and direction in ministry. Hopeful that in the near future we will be able to purchase a car (A BIG THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO ARE MAKING THIS POSSIBLE). Hopeful that God is weaving us into this story in Masatepe. Hopeful that God is going to use me to impact others, and hopeful that he is going to use the difficulties of the past to bring light into the future.

And sustained through our time in Elgin to better understand Iteams and myself better. Sustained by the focus on Soul Care during that time, and the turning point it was to me to look at the past and choose to move on. Sustained with good times with friends and family in Oregon; It feeds my soul to be with people who know and love me. Sustained by having down time in order to focus on God and Stephen; building better patterns of time together with both.

And friends to be honest, I am getting back into communion with God. As a missionary I am not supposed to admit that (nor am I supposed to share about vacations J) It is not that God and I have not been talking, but our conversations have been less than hopeful. He has taken me on a journey over the past few years; one of identity.

Everything I have relied on has been taken away in one form or another over the past few years; security, independence, transportation, money, friends, comfortableness, health, work, purpose, and language.

Then God asks, “Am I enough?” I did not want the answer to be “yes”, and sometimes I still do not want it to be “yes”, but I am seeing the sweetness of a God who cares for me beyond what is comfortable.

He is a God who has walked me through the dark times, so that He could use me in the light. I needed that, and the great thing is that He knew that, and He is loving enough to help me change!

PS: A big thank you to Stephen, too, who has walked graciously with me on this journey!