December 3, 2017

 

On almost a weekly basis this year, I have driven down to Granada to attend a Bible study with a group of women that I know from when we lived there. This has been a good opportunity for me to get out of town bit, and the driving time is something I treasure because I get to think, observe, and process.

As you know, we will be returning to the US in 10 days, and I realize that much of what I have been talking about with others, is this opportunity to see family, friends, and enjoy the Christmas celebration in America.

What came to my mind on the drive this week thought was about my love/hate relationship with my life. Love and Hate seems strong, but it expresses my feelings well as I was am driving down the road.

I love this time of the year in Nicaragua- the sky is blue, the air feels almost crisp, and a breeze is blowing. It is cool in the morning, and the day unfolds like an early September day in Portland. It reminds me of getting new school clothes- sweater and long pants, and the first days of school I would wear them and be dying by mid-afternoon, but on the way home in felt comfortable and refreshing.

I hate the sweaty weather of summer here; the first thing I think about when I wake up is how am I going to stay cool for the day. I feel worn out by 10 AM, and I do more than glisten, just by walking across the street.

I love the living simpler; where that basic things like having running water, electricity and internet are appreciated rather than demanded. I like that my neighbors sit outside on the front porch and talk, and greetings are important parts of every interaction- like there is a formal-ness in noticing and appreciating people.

I hate the simpler life also because includes hard stuff- having to wash and dress your loved ones when they have passed away, seeing dogs that are literally starving, and questioning if I feed him am I just prolonging the inevitable death. Also hearing the weekly death of a pig in our neighbors home because there is not a more human way to kill it.

I love the thought of learning a new language- to be able to communicate with people here, and hearing Spanish roll off my tongue like I know what I am talking about.

I hate not being about to completely communicate; to recognize a word but get stuck on it while the rest of the conversation is disappearing into oblivion. That awkward feeling of wanting a deeper relationship but being stuck by a brain that is slow to comprehend.

I love that we are coming back to the US, and that we have friends and family that are so excited to have us there. That we will be able to enjoy things like good milk products and meat as well as an amazing variety of food choices. I love that we are coming at Christmas, when there is coldness in the air, and I get to wear sweaters and real shoes. I love that we get to be filled up physically and emotionally with all the food things that the U.S. has to offer.

I hate that it is a break in relationships here. It means goodbyes and the reminder that we live in a world divided, we miss weddings, funerals, graduations and other events in our two very different worlds.

Just today we got a wedding announcement for December 16^th; a wedding I would love to go to, but on that same day, Stephen and I will also start a week-long road trip to see friends, and my sister and her family- something we have been so looking forward to for a long time!

So, while I will not miss smelling like a campfire all the time because our neighbors cook with wood, I will miss the people, the connections, and getting to help my neighbor with English.