It has been a long time since I have published a blog. It is not for lack of material, or even for lack of writing- I have written several blog beginning in the last month.
I think that my reason stems from busyness although it is not busyness in and of itself. Blog updates for me usually come through a process of seeing, thinking, reflecting, and then writing.
The component that has been missing for me is reflection. I have good reasons for a lack of reflection: five short-term teams in two months, as well as Christmas, but the reality is that I still miss the time to ponder.
Here is the thing. In the past 6 months God has given me back some of what “feeds me”. I have been put back in a place of planning, administration, working with people, and trying to create an environment for God to speak. This is the stuff that has been missing in my life for several years, and quite frankly I am glad to have this back.
But in the last few years of missing “my calling”, God has shown me another side of me- it is a side of walking and struggling with Him which has produced a deeper place in my soul that could only come about through losing my “success”. I would not have intentionally chosen this path for me, but it fits well in the phrase, “It has not been easy, but it has been good”.
So here I am, back in my area of success, but also trying to stay connected with this other part of me. I am not sure how it all fit together, but it is a part that is at least equally important if not more important than the success side.
The GPS term “recalculating” is what comes to find. Of course this is usually said in a mechanical voice that has no emotion of the ups and downs that it takes to do the recalculating, but this is where I find myself- finding a balance between work that is fulfilling but can squeeze out reflection and times to understand Jesus more, and having a role and a place that can swallow God time way too easily.
So, what is God doing about this?
- He is challenging me in my “successes”
- He is taking me through a Bible study on the Loving Life- what does it mean to truly love people?
- He is allowing me to walk alongside my team members in some mutually vulnerable areas
- AND He brings people along like Maria Christina, who gives me a different perspective on life.
Maria Christina is a 67 year old woman who stops by our house on the way into town every week or so. She looks much older than her years, with gnarled toes and dirty clothes. At first she was mostly needy; she would not ask, but the needs were obvious-food, medicine and a little money. Usually I prayed with her or for her after she left. In the past couple of weeks through when she has come by, she has the joy of the Lord. I do not know what has changed in her, but I have been blessed by it.
I missed her for a few weeks because of my schedule, but this week when she stopped by she could not stop talking about how gracious God has been to her. She offered me two tomatoes, told me she was glad to see me, and she was on her way.
God has “recalculated” her, and He has used her to recalculate me. I need these moments in my life to reflect on God’s work in this world and in my life, and keep me balanced in what He has before me.