December 1, 2015

I am pretty timid when it comes to putting my foot down about things. I tend to want to hear where others are coming from before I make a declaration. Some people say diplomatic, others would say playing it safe, others might say people pleaser. I think that at different times all of those are true.

So right now I am putting myself out there, and I guess my biggest fear is that I would be shut down and put in a box as an out of touch missionary.

My last post was a few days into our trip here in the US and I shared my fear of becoming desensitized to the world that God has let me be a part of in Nicaragua. To be honest, I have more things that I like about America than Nicaragua, but I think I have become a better Christ-follower because of my time there.

For the past two Sundays we have attended two different Bible believing churches, both of them with strong Christ-followers in them, and in both of them we sang songs about wanting more of Christ, more of heaven, and more changed lives. But honestly when I left both I could not help but feel that people were not completely satisfied with the experience.

I do not believe that it is for lack of desire that being a Christian in America is a bit flat. It is not necessarily the church, who is upfront with the music or speaking, nor the structure of the program, but what it is, goes so counter-culture to us that we don’t really see it.

I feel like I only have received a glimmer of it because of the last two years of my life; years that at different times I would have chosen to step out of.

What comes to my head is that if my goal in life is to make sure my comforts are taken care of, then I am really missing out on what God has for me. I am misdirected and I will always be dissatisfied with my walk with God.

I have found in this past year that there is something powerful about not being able to put things together for myself and seeing God work in the midst of that neediness for the sake of others. It has been a time of wrestling with God and having Him come up the victor, and me accepting that my life of privilege has kept me at the center.

I know this is true when I have the opportunity to share what I am thankful for, and what gushes out is an immense thankfulness for things that are not comfortable and how God uses it for good- that is not a natural human response!

In many ways I think that you who live in a land of plenty have it more difficult. The “needs” are everywhere. It doesn’t take me more than 2 minutes in Target to see all the things I am missing out on and “need” to make my life better.

It is a constant battle to see what the real needs are; it might not involve a new coat or a trip to a sporting event, but it might involve something more expensive-my life. That is not easy, but in my bit of experience the return is amazing!