Author: Natalie Goff

Last night around 8 PM, Stephen and I were just slipping into the pool to cool off from our walk over the park to investigate the off key music that was being blared over a crackly loud speaker. We found ourselves laughing at what was around us. The music in park had been an open-air revival on the back of a semi-truck. As we settled into the pool we could hear a woman sharing her testimony while there were competing sounds from the Catholic church; their statements came in the form of fireworks and a ragtag band. These two competing sounds did not drowned out the roof cat that seemed to be coughing up a hairball on the roof above us.
In previous blogs, I have mentioned the sensory overload in Nicaragua. This was a day without exception. After church we headed out to Pantanal, which is our usual Sunday routine. We have been involved in a Bible study for the past five weeks that resulted from relationships built through the Solarbag project. While Pantanal is only about 3 miles away, it is quite a process to get there, and a different world from Granada and a very different world from the US.
For us to get to Pantanal, we have to convince a cab driver that he wants to drive us out there, we squeeze five or six of us (including the driver) into an abused Toyota Corolla-type vehicle, and we wind through streets that are in a permanent state of repair (They really are trying to make improvements!).
In Pantanal it is not an exaggeration to say that dirt and garbage are everywhere. This time of the year it is dust and in a few weeks it will be mud- streets, floors, etc. The people work hard to keep their own personal space clean, but the wind, which is a refreshment in many ways, is also guilty of covering everything and everyone with a layer of dirt.
We meet at the home of a woman and her husband who have five daughters. Two of the daughters, their husbands and kids live on the same property as their parents. The parents have a sparse, but permanent home of cement and cinderblock; one of the girls’ homes is a lean-to of tin and rough wood. We sit in the yard in plastic chairs under the mango and starfruit trees, moving as needed to stay out of the intense heat of the sun. They are gracious to give us the best chairs, make sure we are out of the sun, and that we have something to drink.
Yesterday while we working on the Bible study with some of the family, the rest of the family was rebuilding the daughter’s home so that they will be ready for the rain that is coming. The pack of kids, eight girls and 1 boy, were running around. It was all chaotic and distracting, but in the midst of this all, people wanted to learn about Jesus.
Pantanal looks nothing like a church. Matter of fact it reminds me more of the quote by C.T. Studd: “Some people want to live within the sound of mission bells, but I want to run a mission, a yard from the gates of Hell” (crime, adultery, theft, incest, poverty). Quite honestly, I don’t really want to do that. In my heart I want to, but in my body and head I don’t want to. I question if I have it in me to give as this place asks me to give. But, I persevere in the promise that God is Able (and find some comfort too that I will be in the US for the week!)!

The first thing that comes to my mind is, “It has been a long time”. Rarely does God work in my timing, and the past few months have been evidence of this. I have seen witty and funny and other blog worthy things over the past few weeks, but as God has been tilling the soil of my heart, my fingers just would not type the words. Each day I have looked at my To Do list and seen “Blog”, but it would not come. So here is my attempt, because the time may just be right.
In my last blog I mentioned a book called Absolute Surrender. In the past few weeks, that is what God has asked me to do, and I have worked hard to fight Him on it. I figured that moving away from home, living in a difficult place, and getting married* was a very good attempt at absolute surrender, but God wanted more. I believe that He wants it for my good, but my good and my comfort are very different things.
Last week was Semana Santa (Holy Week). This is a mix between Spring Break in Florida and remembering the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. We would see trucks carrying people sun-kissed from the beach and then processions of people carrying Christ crucified through the streets. While in many ways I wanted to identify with the beach goers, it was more with the suffering that I related. I do not compare my suffering with Christ, but let me explain.
You know the song “Amazing Grace”, right? “ …who saves a wretch like me.” Honestly when I sing that song, I do not see myself as a wretch! I have been a good church-going woman, I have made something of myself as a teacher and administrator in a Christian school, I have made money and have been wise about spending, I have been able to physically move and go as I please, I have made good decisions and have acquired some great people in my life, I have communicated well (in English), I have been responsible with what God has given me, I have served him in other countries, and I have maintained a good relationship with my Lord and Savior.
So in the past few months, God has striped me of the “I haves” and it has been very painful! Honestly, I have wanted to get away from this lesson. I have asked God to change things. I have tried to solve the issues myself. I find myself in a place where I cannot be defined by what I do. I find myself in a place where I don’t have money to spend on groceries. I find myself physically unable to come and go as I want to due to leg pain and no vehicle. I find myself so wanting friends who know me well. I find myself explaining to people that I used to be communicator. I find myself not feeling like I have much to contribute to anything. I can tell you thought that I still have enough pride to not want to bend to God’s teaching. That is where the “wretch” comes in the picture.
I think I am seeing some of the bigger picture. I have been capable, and God is bringing me to the end of capable so I can truly depend on Him. I am not there yet, and I could really use your prayers in this. I am much more comfortable with the “I haves” than the “I find myself in”, but at night when I wake up with fears and I say “Jesus, Jesus” over and over and He comforts me so I can go back to sleep, I believe I am on the right path. He is breaking down walls of self-sufficiency.
Love, Natalie
• Marriage is listed here only because of the need to surrender oneself to another, not because it is a big challenge. 

Let me tell you about a few of my new favorite things.
An Umbrella (La Sombrilla)-Many of you from Oregon might judge me- “Who really needs an umbrella for rain?”. Here the umbrella is for the sun. It took me some time to conform, but many Nicaraguan women use them, and once I made the purchase, I was a believer. The umbrella deflects the intense heat of the sun, and I appreciate their shared wisdom.
The Pool (La Piscina)-I can’t really express how wonderful it feels to just know that as we are out and about in town that when we arrive home, we have an immediate way to cool off. In this city where I step out of the shower and get a sheen of sweat covering my face, you can image what it is like to see this welcome sight. Whether coming back from a walk to the grocery store or a Bible study in Pantanal with dust and dirt stuck to me by the sheen of sweat, the pool is instant cool. Our average dipping is 3-5 times a day, and we have found it a great place to study our Spanish vocabulary.
Mr. Mister (Mi Esposo)- Those of you around in the 80’s might be misled by the name of the music group, but this is my new name for Stephen. He purchased a spray bottle, filled it with water, and (trying to avoid TMI (too much information)) he sprays us down as we lay in bed. The combination of the mist, ceiling fan, and the open window is a blessed reprieve.
Absolute Surrender (Un Libro)- A small book by Andrew Murray, that was recommended to me by Stephen. I was not really interested because it sounded too difficult in a place that already demands a lot, and quite honestly, to have a spouse recommend a book about surrender seems a little suspect.  But when I was the recipient of a kinder, more caring husband, I figured I should at least take a look at it. What I found was a book sharing the honest truth about what God has for us, shared in a way that makes me want what He has to offer. I have not finished the book; it is one of those that I read bit by bit because I need to think about what it says, but let me leave you with a few quotes:
“Father, let the Holy Spirit have full dominion over me, in my home, in my temper, in every word of my tongue, in every though of my heart, in every feeling toward my fellow-men. Let the Holy Spirit have entire possession.”
“And yet some of us want God to give us a little help while we do our best, instead of coming to understand what God wants, and to say: ‘I can do nothing. God must and will do it all.”
So, He is changing me for the good; through His word, His work, and my blessed husband!

This was written last week when our internet was down. In this coming week, we plan to get a newsletter out to catch you up on the events of the past month.
March 26, 2014
Morning in Granada
We have been completely spoiled over the past few months. Between traveling and receiving American treats, I have added a few pounds; uncomfortable when I can hide it with sweaters, but very uncomfortable in too-tight shorts and 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
With the above in mind, I started exercising in the morning. At 6 AM the sun is coming up, and it is a balmy 85. I am not alone in this venture. Most people around here know that if you want to get anything done, it needs to be in these early hours.
I pass Pedro who yells out “Good Morning” in his best English. You have” met” Pedro before. He is the “night whistler”- the neighborhood security man who circles the neighborhood on his bike, keeping us safe. Stephen has developed an acquaintance with him, and has learned that he is armed with a cell phone with the number for the police department, an extension rod that only extends 8 inches due to rust, and a friendly smile.
Imenta’s house is right by the bridge- outdoor washing, outdoor cooking, and once again a big smile, and friendly hello as she returns from the pulperia in her beautiful blue house dress.
My walking destination is the track. The land-of-the-not-quite-right has struck again. Three sides of a large rectangular block have a wide, concrete walkway with grass in the middle. The fourth side has a rock wall across it that must be sashayed around in order to complete the circuit. Regardless of the challenge, it is a busy place in the morning.
A dad dressed in a security guard uniform walks his preteen daughter to school; he carries her lunch box. A dedicated man runs the track wearing a full track suit, and a fifty-something women passes me with a pink shirt that says, “Be an athletic supporter”. I am sure she does not know what she is advertising, but this is a common sight in this second hand culture. 
We are hitting the heat of our summer here. The sun is right overhead as it heads up to the Northern Hemisphere. Even the Nicaraguans say it is hot. After walking down to a friend’s house yesterday, coming home in the heat of the day, I decide that I have a new goal: Survive this time of the year with my relationship with Jesus thriving. Most of you know me as a goal-oriented person. I still am, but I have to boil it down to what is most important. I don’t feel like I have a lot of reserves right now, and I know that if Jesus is first then the rest will fall into place.
This morning I take one extra lap around the track to avoid the ogling of the garbage men; even an aging, overweight, American gets attention here. Another good day in Granada! 

Not of this World
As believers in Jesus, we know we are not of this world. We know that there is something bigger than what we see right in front of us. We have hope that will live eternally with Jesus. What do you do though when you feel that you are not of this world, right in the space God has given you?
This week has had some amazing ups- working alongside doctors in a medical clinic, seeing wide smiles when people responded to my “Buenos Dia” as we got off the bus, leading children into a relationship with Jesus, and being recipients of generosity of caring people.

An iguana on the roof. Really this should not be surprising. I have seen them in other places, but this was my double take for the day in this country of surprises.
Stephen’s phone was stolen. Really this is often only just a matter of time. We have heard of it happening to many other people, but still it is a feeling of violation and life not being fair.
Roof cats are coming in our house. Really this should be no big surprise. Our house is accessible to any smallish creature that can get through the razor wire on the roof, but still we are not appreciating the evidence of nightly cat visits.
God is good regardless of circumstances. Really this is an amazing truth that I do not fully believe. We face challenges each day of discouragement, heat, broken relationships, but still God is the love in me that allows me to show that love to others.
God, let me be thankful for a husband who loves me enough help me trust God. Let me be thankful for our current financial concerns because it gives me opportunity to talk with you more. Let me be thankful for our Solarbag team for their excitement to care for people. Let me be thankful for this week in San Carlos and the opportunity to be Your hands and feet.
Love, Natalie

My two worlds crashed together this week in a joyful way. Sharon and Dave Fisk came for a week of sightseeing, long talks, a view into ministry, and relaxation in this country of sensory overload. We so enjoyed the “Christmas” they brought with them from our friends at West Hills Christian School and our families.  What a blessing it was to get to open two suitcases and see many things that made us smile-chocolate, microscope, a yoga mat, peanut butter, mosquito repellant, etc! We can’t thank you enough for blessing us so generously!

They concurred with the overstimulation to your senses-sights, smells, sounds, tastes, and touches. They found themselves more tired than usual, which I was secretly glad about, because it made me feel like less of a wimp with my own adjustment over the past months. J

We went on a tour of the islands, Mombacho Volcano, and the Villa Esperanza, where Sharon and I had our first experience with Nicaragua. It was amazing being back with our husbands and getting to meet with Kay Moore, the coordinator from Portland.

They tried fritanga, had “tipica” food at Claudia’s, and were introduced to our “Starbucks”. We sweat together, swam together, and celebrated Valentine’s Day together!

But like any crash, there is usually some damage done- even if it is a joyful crash! The damage done is the adjustment back to my life here, and quite frankly, I am not sure I am doing it very well- just ask Stephen! I miss the familiar, the comfortable. I miss being able to go down the hall and thank those who blessed us with stuff this week. I miss having a good friend to just sit in talk with; someone who knows me! I miss familiar food, cool weather, and driving. I miss having more control in my life.

As I write this, I know that God is giving me some of these things here; not all of them, but I think He does that to keep me dependent on Him. And as frustrating as that is sometimes, it is right- so when I am in a good frame of mind, I thank Him for it!

 I thank him for sending friends to visit. I thank Him for the American food that came our way. I thank Him for the opportunity to travel around in a car while Dave and Sharon were here. I thank Him for a good man who is following God’s leading. I thank Him even for the crash, when I am in an especially good place! J

Love, Natalie

 

Hand-Me-Down Society
The other day I found myself sitting on a park bench during my favorite time of the day. It was about 5 PM Sunday evening and the church across from me was getting ready for Mass. The light and the clouds were just right and I was wishing I had my “real” camera with me. I like this time of day wherever I am, but it seems like in this country it is even sweeter. The day has cooled a bit, people are out enjoying each other, smiling and greeting each other.
Across the street at the park, the fire truck pulled up and prepared to douse the open field, which was not being watered effectively with two broken spigots. What struck me was the 1960’s vintage truck from Salt Springs Utah, the mismatched firemen gear, and yet they used it proudly, evening knowing that the firemen don’t get paid for their job.
Right down by the bank we use, is Estrella Boutique. This is one of the many second hand stores in town; many with items that have Goodwill tags on them. What makes Estrella Boutique stand out is that they have a DJ. Everything in this country is loud, and this DJ is no exception. It seems that what they are lacking in “stuff” they are covering with noise.
Almost every day we hear a band with used instruments, we see stores of second hand appliances, and we see people wearing T-shirts that are clearly from the US; Pink shirts saying Save the Tatas, shirts from sporting events that have long passed, Old Navy Fourth of July shirts, and shirts what English phrases like “Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow”.
Even food that some people eat is what is tossed out from wealthier homes.
This is a Hand-Me-Down society.
What struck me though is that they do not face relationships as hand-me-down-seeing them as something that is substandard or second rate. As people were walking into the church, they were joyfully greeting each other. The people sitting around in the park were engaging with each other- some were kissing in the bushes, but most of them were not allowing distractions to keep them from conversations and interacting. Even the drunk guys on the church steps were enjoying each other’s company.
Today, the internet was down at our house, and it was kind of a blessing that I did not feel the pressure to have to do the many things that require internet- school, correspondence, mindless checking of Facebook, and other distractions.
There are some things I need to be handed from this Hand-Me-Down culture.
Love, Natalie

My first question is “Do you believe in angels?”
Today, I finally got around to thinking about dinner and the stew meat that I had purchased at La Colonia which was thawing on the counter. Stephen had not slept much because he was up late working on finances, and I decided that if I was going to attempt a stew in Nicaragua that I at least needed to have onions (cebolla). While Stephen napped on the couch, I grabbed some cordobas (money) and my keys and headed to the closest fruit and vegetable stand, a few blocks away. On my way I passed the house of Orlando and Gertrude (pronounced Hairtrudia). All of my previous interactions with Gertrude have led me to believe that she is a feisty woman, full of Latino blood and with a good heart.
In my lame Spanish I told her that I was going to buy some cebolla so I could make dinner. Eventually, it was clear to me that she was going to come with me to help me get the best price, so walking side by side and not saying anything we went to find onions. It was clear when we got there that large, hulky Mario was butter in the hands of this little woman who told him that his onions were really not very fresh. We walked away with 6 onions and 3 heads of garlic for $1.
As we walked home, she asked me what I was going to make. I could not explain it- carnes, papas, sopa… and she asked if she could come and see what I was doing. What else could I say but “yes”. With Stephen snoring in the sala, we headed into the kitchen. I showed her the recipe that she did not follow, and 20 minutes later after cutting and cooking she turned to me and said (in Spanish and mime) my part is done now it just needs to cook. As she walked out the door, she made it clear to me that Stephen does not need to know that she was there, and that she is always happy to come and help out.
As I sit here, I have a tantalizing smell like beef burgundy wafting through the kitchen, and I am thinking that God has given me another Nicaraguan angel to take care of me. Gracios Dios!

I have been absent in the blog world recently, I guess because I have been living life more and doing less writing!
My topic today is GARBAGE! As usual, they do it a bit differently here. Garbage pick-up is three days a week. Pick-up consists of everyone putting out their garbage by 6 AM, but watching it so that the street dogs don’t rip it open before the truck comes. The truck that comes is a large open bed truck with slatted sides. A few guys will walk along tossing the garbage up to the 5 or 6 guys in the back of the truck, who immediately open the garbage and sort it, taking out anything of value. While this truck stinks and it, of course, is literally filled with garbage, it is an organized mess. When the truck fills up, they head off to the dump on the south side of town.
When the truck shows up at the dump, it dumps the refuse in large piles, where a small army of people “attack” the garbage to see if there is anything of value that they can sell or use themselves. This is not a past time, this is a way of making a living for them and for some this is a generational living.
Yesterday, Stephen and I had the opportunity to join a group of Nicaraguans who weekly go to the dump and serve a meal. Today was a special day because we also brought gifts for them for the New Year- rice, beans, sugar, toilet paper, etc…
Mario shared a devotional with the people, and then asked them, “What do you praise God for?” There were not a lot of answers, they seemed a little shy to speak up, but some of the answers were: food to eat, that I can breathe my next breath, that God loves me, I am healthy, that I have made it through another year. Humbling.
When I looked down at the ground during the devotions, I saw the leg of a Barbie doll, a plastic computer part, a needle, torn plastic, the lid to a water bottle, my tennis shoes, and the polished toe nails of the extremely dirty, flip-flopped foot of the woman next to me.
Lunch was served, we had to reuse plates and silverware, they asked us to fill whatever container that had to carry food in- empty formula containers, the bottom of a two liter soda pop bottle. With shy smiles, they took the food and gifts, thankfully returning for more until everything was gone. The poor of the poor.
We packed up everything and headed back to Granada to our food, home, computers, and concerns, and they headed back to the garbage piles wrapped from head to toe to try and escape the heat of the day. Contrast.
Yesterday was filled with Happy New Year (Feliz An~o Nuevo). I’ve seen today that the outlook is different for all of us, but thankfulness to God is a constant!
Love, Natalie